01/29

2013

5

Comments

hackcrafts

Hack Crafts for Ghetto Crafters

While I might be an ace at cooking wholesome meals and saving the planet with the kids, I am a GD zero at crafting. I’m a ghetto, wannabe crafter. Even before there was Pinterest to make my desire 10,000 times worse, I was desperate to be crafty in any way possible. Sewing, knitting, DIY furniture restoration, decoupage, whatever. But I got nothing. I can’t even copy other people’s craftiness, that is how impaired I am. If P and I attempt a project, it’s hard to tell which is hers and which is mine. It’s sad. I want to craft so. damn. much.

Is this you too? Well, my friend, I’ve found a few remedial things that even we can do to relieve our crafting itch. Nothing pin-worthy, and maybe some of these ideas are technically art and not crafts, but they do the job. If the best it’s going to get for us is ghetto crafting, let’s take what we can get, shall we?

Here are my favorite hack ideas that allow me to delude myself into believing I’m a real crafter. They’re sure to help you feel better, too. And have your kids join in, as these ideas are all really best suited for toddlers and not grown women trying to channel their inner Martha.

You too can feel crafty by:

Gluing stuff on paper. This is right up my pathetic artsy alley. You can use anything from cut-outs from magazines to dried pasta, and more you glue the fancier it gets. There is even a name for your masterpiece: a collage. It’s absolutely real art if it has it’s own name. This is a big-time activity for little kids, so you’ll get plenty of excuses to get your craft on with this one when your youngen is young.

Edging with pattern-edging scissors. Give something a wavy edge and BAM. It’s a craft. There is no denying it. The scraps can then be glued to paper. You know how I like to reuse and recycle, so this is a double winner.

Punching holes. This is my favorite. There is almost no way for me to eff this up, and there is a ridiculous variety of cute hole punchers that transform this from an administrative task and into a craft. I have hole punchers in shapes ranging from Christmas trees and hearts to Mickey Mouse heads and the state of California. Not only do I feel crafty punching holes in things (like card stock, so I can make my own gift tags to tie on gifts), but I can collect the confetti and P and I can glue it on paper or throw it around for Baby N to find and eat later when he’s crawling under the table.

Glitterizing. Like fancy edges, adding glitter to anything makes it a craft. It makes an insane mess because kids and half-assed crafters like me use it a bit too liberally and enthusiastically, but it instantly transforms something ordinary into sometime fabulously artsy.

Stamping. Don’t get cocky with this one, Ghetto Crafters. This is an advanced skill. You must apply even pressure to the stamp on both the ink pad and the paper or it turns out crappy. After you get the hang of it, however, stamping is totally a legit craft.

Applying washi tape to anything. This shit is all the rage on Pinterest lately. WTF is it? It’s this Japanese paper/plastic tape hybrid that is rippable but strong and comes in a bjillion colors and patterns. It’s generally used to decorate things. Here’s a slue of ideas for what you can do with it. I promise, using washi tape will make you feel crafty because it looks great and like most awesome crafty stuff, it’s not the least bit practical.

 

Ta da! You’re a crafter now! Don’t you feel awesome? You’re welcome!

 

Oh snap! I’ve been nominated as a Top 25 Funny Mom on Circle of Moms! Help a mama out and please vote for me today! And again tomorrow! Vote everyday, actually. Schpanks!

 

4 comments
Anna_Sandler
Anna_Sandler

i too like the fancy hole punchers, but i don't like too much glitter around the youngins' - they can't be trusted! just another jersey girl, here from #findingthefunny!

Trackbacks

  1. [...] one of my favorite ghetto crafting techniques—hole punching—we transformed pathetic flower petals into butterflies. The lollipops [...]